With That Fine Ass Booty!
by cullenbabe23
Summary: She's pregnant. He's needing an extra small rubber. purple thongs and a blondes seduction Someones got a tight booty. And Emmet has an obsession with some crazy songs. And poor Edward hears every second of it.
1. Bella Got Back

_**I hate being a vampire. it's the most unnatural torture in this crazy as hell world. I read minds damn it! Cool right? NO! I walk around the house with 2 vampires who act like more like sex crazed teens, and have the thoughts to show it! I don't wanna even think about what Carlisle and Esme do with their spare time, and no offense to Alice and Jasper but their physical relationship is just a little on the weird side. But that's not all, theirs those stupid pathetic people that walk the halls at Forks High School with their crazy thoughts.**_

_**Did you know Jessica Stanley is having a pregnant scare?**_

_**Tyler is afraid of clowns?**_

_**Oh and this one is rich, Mike Newton impregnated poor Miss Jessica when he tried to use an extra large condom, turns out the boy should be carrying around an extra small rubber.**_

_**I knew the kid wasn't an extra large. When I heard this non sense running through Jessica's scatterbrained thoughts I had to have Rose slap me to stop the large outburst of chuckles. Even Bella knew he wasn't an XL she knew this by looking at his shoe size. Poor boy. Size 9.**_

"_**Well doesn't miss Bella Swan look extra sexy today in those tight jeans that hug that booty real nice…man Edwards a lucky man.."**_

**My head snapped towards the source of the unruly thoughts. Mike Newton. I growled I literally growled when I saw his eyes roaming my precious Bella's body.**

"_**Oh damn death glare from the boyfriend better turn around."**_

**I smirked and sighed heavily this is what I go through…every day.**

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An/ Should I continue this?? I'm not sure.. Please review.

**DISCLAIMER- All belongs to Stephanie, if I owned twilight Rob and Taylor would rock the movie shirtless(:**


	2. Purple Thongs and a Blondes Seduction

_**AN/ New chapter(: reviewwww(:**_

_**Disclaimer(; I own nothing but a poster of Taylor Lautner shirtless(:**_

"**Edward Anthony Cullen you tell me right now why I'm no longer allowed to wear my favorite jeans to school!" Bella yelled at her slightly annoyed boyfriend.**

"**Because, I said so." He simply replied while unlocking the front door of the Cullen family home.**

"**You are unbelievable! Just because you're my boyfriend you think you can decide what I can and can't wear now?! Well for your sake I'm going to wear these jeans every day this week!" Bella argued hotly. They'd been having this argument since the two had left the cafeteria and it was starting to take its toll.**

"**Bella…be rational" Edward murmured sweetly while he chuckled at her and kissed her forehead.**

**Bella cracked. **

"**Fine Edward I will never wear these jeans again, can you tell me why I'm not allowed to wear my new jeans please enlighten me" She asked seriously.**

"**Well Bella, you see ther…" Edward began before being cut off**

"**SHE GOT THAT BOOTY BOOTY BOOTY ROCKING EVERYWHERE ROCKING EVERYWHERE" Emmet sang happily while dancing into the house.**

**Bella looked scared, Edward was in shock and Emmett was chuckling loudly.**

"**So Bella, I heard that you've got a nice tight booty" Emmett mocked while laughing. Her mouth dropped to the floor and her face turned a deep scarlet.**

"**EDWARD CULLEN! Why is your brother hearing about my tight butt'?'**

"**Oh so you do think you've got a tight booty?" Emmett questioned while smirking.**

"**Shut it Emm" Rosalie interjected while walking in. Bella smiled thankfully before staring at the floor.**

"**Awh! But baby I was just gunna tell Bells I think its fine she's got a nice ass. Confidence is what makes a girl sexy'' Emmett finished with a wink.**

"**And if you want any from your wife tonight you will quit winking at other women. Especially human women who is your brother's girlfriend!" Rosalie shot back before leaving in a huff.**

"**Awh, now look what you did. Not only did you try being a flirt with my girl you made yours basically promise you no sex!" Edward said smiling**

**Emmet shot him a glare before running after his beautiful steaming wife.**

"**Rose! Baby I was just kidding I love you babeee rose!!!" Emmett yelled while running up the stairs.**

**Bella giggled softly and rolled her eyes. Every second with this family was pretty interesting. It was like having her very own reality tv show.**

"**Hey, your laughing." Edward pointed out before kissing her softly. Bella smiled into the kiss. This was definitely her favorite part in life. She lived to feel his lips on hers, to have his cold hard body pressed against mine.**

"_**You want to love her like you already know, I know you looking at her and you wanna to fuucckk her" **_

**Edwards head shot up and he glared in upstairs direction.**

"**Emmett's gunna die." He muttered**

**Bella gave him a questioning look before realizing he must've heard his thoughts or something.**

"**Well Edward I got to go….I'll see you tonight bye" Bella whispered before they shared a brief kiss.**

"**Bye Love" He murmured. **

**Bella smiled and walked out the door. **

"_**ohh? So I'm gonna die bad mistake little brother" **_

**And that was the last thing Edward heard before a photo of Emmett in a purple man thong flashed and was for ever burned in his memory.**

**Last thing Emmet heard was a loud crash. He chuckled knowing Edward had fainted at the sight of his "junk"**

"**What are you laughing at?" Rosalie questioned '**

"**Oh nothing I just gave Lil Eddie a brief look at what a real man possess" Emmett replied thrusting his ups slightly.**

**Rosalie smirked before crawling over to her lover. "My man…." She started while straddling him and slowly leaning down to press her lips to his. "Doesn't have that." She finished before climbing off the bed and leaving the room. **

"**ROSE, how could you?! You left me all bothered!" Emmett yelled chasing her down the stairs only to find Edward and Rosalie laughing at the nice "problem" showing through Emmett's pants.**

"**Hey Em, you should really do something about that problem you got there, I heard cold showers are a real help" Edward spat chuckling **

"**Rose why'd you that??" Emmett whined**

"**Wink at another girl again who isn't me and next time you wont have your little friend" Rose replied evilly before stomping of with her heels clicking behind.**

"_**Paybacks a bitch.." **_

**Edward smirked at the thoughts of Emmet run through his mind. Oh its going down.**


End file.
